I don’t like checking in.
I feel as if I should be checking things off a list that doesn’t exist and doing things that I’m not. However, this check in is the one that lit a fire inside me. It’s the one that made my fingers start clicking again and made my brain start grinding gears. So here I am. A not-yet junior and a graduated sophomore. Halfway there. In my own self journey, the exhilaration of finding comfort in myself is the most gratifying take away from the past two years.
Going into high school, expectations are a given. None of those expectations included multiple broken backpacks, a couple broken hearts, friendships ending, and doubting every single part of yourself. As I stand at 16, I am the most sure of myself that I have been. I have really grown so much as a person and friend.
The last two years of my life have presented the most difficult hurdles to jump over. I couldn’t jump over some of them and I am still stuck at the bottom, looking up at the most frightening dilemmas of my life. The ones I jumped over are far behind me, yet the ones still in front of me are constant reminders of them.
If I could give any advice to my younger self, it would be simple: no one is ever completely certain of themselves. The most incredible thing you can do for yourself is be easy on yourself. There is so much happening around you that it’s easy to get overwhelmed and want to just sink into nothingness.
It’s okay to not meet all your expectations. Everyone says these should be the best four years of your life, and it’s okay if you feel like they’re not. Looking back to freshman year, I truly had such an incredible welcome to high school. Sometimes you have no one to rely on but yourself. Some days will suck, and some will feel like you’re on cloud nine. Just don’t expect any of them to be straight out of a teen movie (cough, “The Princess Diaries”).
I have a feverish excitement for junior year, and soon enough, senior year. The most fascinating part of my entire reflection is that I’m right back to square one. Back to the 14-year-old with empty notebooks and two clean shoes. Back to the girl who was so sure of herself and the places she wanted to be.
I don’t know where I’m going right now. I’m not completely sure of where I currently am. All I know for sure, is that I am exactly where and who I’m supposed to be.