We all have those types of days where we talk to ourselves; telling ourselves questions like “What is life?” “Why am I here?” “Are there aliens living among us?” “Is my girlfriend/ boyfriend cheating on me?”
I don’t ask myself these types of questions. My questions are “How long until I die?” “What if my siblings had lived?” “What if my family was actually a family?” We ask these questions because we’re afraid. To this day, I don’t know what I’m afraid of, but I learned to literally run through my fear.
Throughout my 18 years living, I learned a lot of lessons which schools can’t teach. Some of those lessons include how to be a better son, who to trust in your family. When I was 4 years old I thought I was the happiest child, well, every kid thinks that. When I turned 5, things changed dramatically. My parents got divorced. As a young child, I didn’t know what had happened. I would see my father on weekends and to this day it remains the same.
At that age my mother also told me I had siblings. I never met them because when I was 9, she told me the saddest news. I’m the second of three children, but I’m the only child. My sister was born on Oct. 27, 1994, but passed away that same day. There’s me, born Dec. 28, 1997, and my brother, died in my mother’s womb. This makes me sad. It makes me wonder why am I alive, and not them. Maybe this is why I am not really religious. My mother always tells me that I have to be religious because without Him (God), I wouldn’t be alive.
I grew up in Drew Street, The Drew Street. I saw things I wasn’t supposed to see. I heard fireworks in the middle of the day as a child. I know now that they weren’t fireworks then, but gun shots. This is the reason I don’t have many friends. My mother wouldn’t let me go out. I stayed all day in the house.
When I was 15, I came upon a mentor, my coach. He told me “Use the anger you have and use it to your own will”. This is why I’m good at running. This is the reason why I wear running clothes.
I’ve been running away from my life trying to find out who I am, and what I like. I found those answers deep inside my neighborhood. Around my community. I enjoy running, telling jokes to people, and simply bringing a smile to people’s faces.
I am Jesus Baltazar, a track and field and cross country athlete. I enjoy those long runs, especially when I’m running away with my fears. The fear to never run again.