A better tommorrow

Growing up I was told to make sure everything I’d do must have a meaning to it. I wasn’t sure what that meant until everyone in high school began participating in extracurricular activities.

I’m not here to say why I’m so important or why you should accept me for a special individual. There is about 7.442 billion people in this planet, then there’s Jeanette Hernandez.

I would never blame my failures on others or myself. I second-hand experienced what others did, I had a third eye. It was 2014 and I began freshmen year at James A. Garfield High School, I was completely lost.

My sister is two years older than me so at the time she was a junior, she’d always give me advice on how to be a straight-A student but I still had no idea on what she was trying to tell me . It was like my mind wasn’t processing information correctly.

At home it wasn’t the happiest of times when October began. A disturbing secret of my parents was discovered me, my mom, and my two other sisters. I was crushed for a very long time. It was a trip to hell and back…. then hell again and again. It was a never-ending nightmare that I couldn’t wake up from.

Walking into a class where I’d have to sit with 30 students and pay attention to a teacher without zoning out and thinking about how hurt I was seemed as if it was the only thing possible. Attending pep rallies at school with cheery faces and enthusiastic groups was the worst. However, it was simple for me to put on a happy emotion from the outside so no one would question me.

In a blink of an eye it was already my senior year at high school. I couldn’t believe it. Anger towards myself began to grow. I had wasted all my four years unable to participate in anything because I allowed my emotions to take control of me. Disappointment filled my soul. Not only from me but from my family.

I’d talk to myself everyday and look in the mirror, trying to figure out who Jeanette is when someone asks. My mind was vacant all the time. I am now currently participating in a school play. That might not seem like a big deal to others but it is to me. I strongly encouraged to audition for the play so I am very thankful.

This isn’t the longest story because I don’t think this even deserves a story. Dreaming of what you want to be when you grow up as a child is so easy to say. When you get older and see if that dream is realistic is the hard part. I begin thinking to myself. Is it possible? I doubt myself. Then stop thinking for a while.

“I want to be part of the LAPD,” I told my dad while eating breakfast one Sunday morning. I want to go to college and major in criminology. I’d get experience by being a police and from then I want to be a detective. I know it’s possible.

Then there’s that voice in my head again telling me that there are people who have hatred for the police because there had been many conflicts within history. I can’t blame them. I know there is good cops and bad cops out there and I’m aware of what goes on in the world.

All I want to do is “To protect and serve.” I’m not asking to make drastic changes in my generation but for an opportunity to create greatness.

I was shut out from the real world and I’m happy that I’m back and staying for good. I’ve felt frozen for a very long time. I feel different now, more prepared and determined, not be a smarter individual but a stronger individual.

I aspire to be Jeanette. I know who she is now and I’m not afraid to admit it. Jeanette is someone who finally got a hold of herself and the little voices in her mind that taunted her everyday on how she couldn’t be someone finally disappeared.