From what was supposed to be two weeks turned into more than a year. When I started to hear about COVID-19, I didn’t worry because it wasn’t in the United States yet. I thought that it couldn’t come to the U.S or that if it came, we wouldn’t last long being in lockdown, but the reality of it is far worse than anyone could think of.
When they first told us in school that we would be doing school online for two weeks, I was excited because I thought I would have more time to do the things I wanted and finish my homework faster. I thought it wouldn’t take me an hour to come home and I wouldn’t feel as tired when I came home.
I just thought I would have more time being at home. Once the two weeks passed, they informed us that we didn’t know when we were returning because in March is when COVID-19 started to spread rapidly like a wildfire.
I started to get scared because even experts weren’t sure what it was or how to stop it from spreading among the people. At first I was getting crazy being stuck at home. I think it was because we couldn’t go out anywhere like it would be in our free time. I guessed it’s different when you do things naturally than when you are told.
For example, before going into quarantine, I would still not go out but I didn’t feel as caged as in the quarantine and I think it is because I didn’t have to stay home. It was more because my family didn’t want to go out. In quarantine, we were told to stay home to slow down the spread. For some reason, that made me want to go out more, but there was the obstacle of the pandemic.
When I would watch YouTube videos about what people started doing during quarantine, I noticed they would say they had a lot of time or didn’t know what else to do. I wondered why I didn’t have the time I wanted to do what I wanted or just simply say I don’t know what to do with my free time. I realized that it was because I had school and my time was filled with work and studying.
Overall, I felt that doing online school during the pandemic had a fast pace and with missing an assignment, you can fall behind. After being done with junior year, I felt nervous about the possibility of returning to school since it was going to be my last year in high school. The last one is the one that counts the most.
I had a lot of plans for college starting senior year and how I was to put in my effort of making it memorable. But the reality was, I felt stressed out with all my classes and work. I think I was more stressed out about the fear of not getting into a college, studying the major I want, and not being able to apply on time.
Applying was a big deal for me because it was a big step towards my future. One of my worst habits I developed was thinking too much about everything. Like what if I didn’t get accepted to the college I wanted, what if no college accepts me, will I be able to handle college, or what if I make the wrong choices. I started to doubt myself and focus on things that hadn’t happened.
The people around me reminded me I wasn’t alone, kept telling me that I would succeed no matter where I went and that they were proud of me. I heard the words but I didn’t listen, I was too caught up with me doubting myself. It wasn’t until I remembered something I learned, everything happens at the right moment, what is for you no one and nothing will take that away from you. That’s when I started to listen to those encouraging words which motivated me to keep trying. If I didn’t go to the college I dreamed of didn’t mean it was over or because I wasn’t good enough. There’s always time for improvement.
The one happy thing that has continued throughout the quarantine is spending time with my brothers. I feel that we have created a stronger bond between each other because of the amount of time we have spent together. They are both funny and both have lifted my spirits up every time.
Even if we might not get along all the time, we started to know each other better. I have been able to learn a couple of things from them, like to not beat myself up when I get a bad score, it’s not the end of the world.
A game we play is with a deck of cards where to win, we need to have a set of four cards that are the same, like four kings or four queens. My brothers and I are very competitive and we don’t like seeing the other person win and although the game might seem simple it becomes difficult once we mention what cards the other player needs so we have to change our cards with other ones that can help us win.
Another interesting thing that has happened for me is that I was able to get a sewing machine! Ever since I knew what I wanted to focus and chase as a career, I wanted a sewing machine because it would speed up my sewing process and be better with putting the pieces together.
Right now with the quarantine, I have built up my skills and I’m proud of it. I know it’s a hobby right now and I get really tired sometimes fixing up my mistakes but it’s a kind of exhaustion that makes me feel like I’m improving. Doing fashion design is a dream I want to accomplish, even if it takes me a while.
Unfortunately I think I’ve had more struggles than things I enjoyed during quarantine. Some of the struggles are feeling anxiety, being less social and procrastinating more. I started to feel anxiety when I realized that this pandemic was going to stay for long.
I started to ask myself, will things get better any time soon? What if worse things are bound to happen? What if this never ends? There were so many questions because of my anxiety, all of them are questions without satisfying answers. I’m already a shy person and not being able to interact with my classmates like before made me less social and when I have to I kind of get nervous.
I also lose motivation on some occasions and slack off more. Because of this, I feel like I’m not at my full potential. Sometimes I don’t feel like trying but knowing that if I give up could affect me, I don’t want to regret it later. That fear keeps me trying.
Overall, I still have the desire to go out without having to be so cautious of my health and surroundings, I want to go out but if being inside means lessening the risk of getting COVID, I can wait until we can go out like we used to.