Yesterday, I had a small panic attack.
I was so upset that my heart was racing. I realized that my second year of high school started in three short days. I have been keeping track of how long I have left in summer for a few weeks now, but this time the harsh reality sunk in.
School has not always been fun; it’s also very hard. On top of the academics, I have lots of social issues. I’m feeling a lot of emotions right now.
First, I have a very quick transition from the end of camp to the beginning of school. Working as a camp counselor for the third year in a row made this past summer one of the best. I love camp since I get to be surrounded by tons of loving little kids and counselors who accept me for me. I also love the fact that the camp is a Jewish camp so I have my religion in common with everyone there (unlike school).
I am devastated that camp is over. I have had an amazing summer and I don’t want it to end. Additionally, I have a quick transition of only one week. This is problematic for me because I need longer transitions. This problem makes me very stressed.
Second, I feel extremely anxious. I’m going to have new teachers, a new campus (since it was remodeled over the summer), new material, and new classmates. The combination of these factors can easily turn me into a nervous wreck. I’m trying to calm my nerves by taking deep breaths when I think about the beginning of a new school year. This technique helps me but I still feel anxious even when I’m currently writing about it. I just tell myself that everything will turn out okay.
Some of the kids at school know about my blog and therefore about my diagnosis, but a lot still don’t. So far, I have gotten lots of acceptance and only one hate comment.
Before summer, I had a few blogs done. Now, I have 15 blogs done, viewers across the world, articles in the Los Angeles Times, articles in Autism Speaks, etc. As my blog has gotten more popular over the summer, I’m curious as to how others will treat me. This is another factor of anxiety.
Lastly, my parents tell me that I’ve recently been acting more hyper. I’ve been taking my medications which helps a lot. Still, I’m more hyper than usual. I don’t really notice it that much. Maybe a little bit but not as much as my parents tell me. Again, I’m hyper due to the fact of school starting.
When I’m hyper, I get more physical with others. For instance, I’ve been wanting more physical attention from my brother and if he doesn’t give it to me, I start to high-five him or hug him even when he says “no.”
I have lots of emotions running through my head. Some good (such as excitement) and some bad (such as hyper and anxious). My goal is to come to school with an open mind and hope for the best. If I come to school without an open mind, then I am setting myself up for the worst.
As school is coming soon, I hope that my parents will stay patient with me and try to comfort me as much as possible.