An article about yourself, written by yourself, to entertain no one in particular besides yourself, is a fantastic ego trip. I implore everyone to engage in some occasional narcissism. I mean. indulge people.
An article like this could also be very, very boring, so efforts will be made to keep your attention.
I am scared to death of my workplace. Or, at least, I was. You discover just how crippling fear is when it prevents you from cracking open a can of soda and making too much noise. You discover how it paralyzes you when, even on your lunch break, you stay at your desk, safe and away from adult human interaction. It was not a great first week.
Given, I only work twice a week (at most), and in Santa Monica, home of some of the most stereotypically pretty Californians ever. My life is pretty good. I get paid for what I do, and after all, I like what I do. An academic career of book reports later and I am now discovering that they all have a point. My job, sometimes, is to read through scripts (for movies), summarize and review them. Of course, I intern at a movie studio. A studio that made those recent Planet of the Apes films (this is cool. You should find this cool).
Or, they are the company that got Zooey Deschanel, a very pretty, very talented, movie star, to settle into a television role with New Girl. Where they took Winston’s character in Season 4 is beside the point entirely (he lost his humanity to randomness but, no matter). This is a company on the rise, and I get to sit in on it for a couple of months. Being scared and the like.
People warned me of culture shock before I actually started at Chernin. I had never had a job before, and the closest I ever came to an environment as professional as it was was probably school.
It was nothing like school. Superficially, it makes me appreciate my school and its’ easy commute times. The people are ALL older and I am suddenly, not necessarily, amongst the smartest people I know (friends, if you read this, just know that you are still beautiful, simple, people). Yet, the air is different. This is a company, and people are on a mission. Everybody sets about to accomplish their jobs, where chit-chat and conversations amongst themselves come second. This is inverse to how I usually treat school, which probably explains the middling grades that, I begrudgingly admit, I earn.
Always one to try and please, this is where pressure starts to be felt. Fresh to the company, I was closely attended to my first week. I had stuff to accomplish and I stayed busy. But after that, I found myself with abundant free time. Catholic guilt may or may not be a stereotype, but in this instance, my guilt was real, secular and overbearing. Literally, I felt bad when I wasn’t working on something for the company. Pride (a seven deadly sin) kicked in and I began to feel as if my paycheck should be something I earned. People did a lot more in other professions for less, and I was busy “reading” and preparing coffee in the kitchen-like space. What’s worse, I felt like a burden on them.
Learning to accept my “earned” position has been one of many psychological hurdles I have had to overcome. Giving up is easy, and hopeless. It is the path most comfortable; I wouldn’t have to go through the occasional awkward encounter with grown-ups I have trouble relating to. I could just stay home, retire to my bed and from the rest of the world. In some of my darkest moments, I have done this too. Today however, I get up. Already, I hear the groans over my melodramatic portrayal from here at the computer. I work in Santa Monica and get paid for computer work; life is fine.
And yet this flawed boy is growing. I am getting up at 6:30 to be at work by 9 and face uncomfortable situations, because I might just be better for it. The brave face goes on, but so does the cap of anticipation and excitement. I’m making coffee with too much milk in it. I Google about William Henry Harrison, because I have time, and he was a guy. I hear my voice crack in terrible moments of uncertainty.
But, I am at work. overcoming my fears and learning the trade. On sight are some of the most involved people in Hollywood. And one day I will pick their brains in detail over the realities of their job.
But today, I’ll get up. It has been a good first month.