To the Children of Both and Neither,
Growing up with a Black father and white mother, I’ve realized that you are not allowed to be more than one race. You are always either Black or white, but never both. I’ve had both friends and strangers ask me, “What are you?” or say “You’re so exotic”, but I was never really sure what that meant. Without even knowing what I am, people feel entitled to tell me who I am. After all, identity is heavily influenced by external validations, whether they are warranted or not.
I am not alone in this feeling. According to Mental Health America, multiracial individuals made up nearly 10% of the population in 2020. Despite this growing number, many of us still experience the same confusion and judgement. This pressure we put on ourselves not only shapes how we view ourselves, it affects our mental health. People who identify as being two or more races are more likely to experience mental health issues than any other race or ethnic group. This is no coincidence.
I’ve been told I dress too white. I’ve been told I talk too white. I’ve been compared to an oreo, Black on the outside and white on the inside. Therefore, I can’t be Black.
Conversely, people have assumed I am adopted, because why else would my mom be white? Parents of my white friends look at me like I don’t fit in with them, because I can’t. I “stand out” compared to my white friends. Therefore, I can’t be white. So then, what are we? What does it mean to be both Black and white?
Journalist Ahna Fleming stated it perfectly in her New York Times article “The Generations of Pain I Felt in One Racist Moment”.
“I am too Black to be white and too white to be Black.”
Societal pressures to be Black enough or white enough feel as though you constantly have to validate your identity to others. The second you become half of anything, is the second you become everything and nothing at all. Our colorful self can’t possibly fit into the Black or white box. But is that really a bad thing?
While it may seem simple, identity is actually complex. Our identity can consist of many parts that may put us into categories, but they also simultaneously intersect. For example, I am Black, White, Female and a teenager all at once.
Even the United States Census has finally recognized this complexity by including a “two or more races” category in the questionnaire. So I ask you, stop reducing identity to a single race.
For the Black people who told me I wasn’t enough and the white people who always reminded me that I am the only Black person in the room, I refuse to choose one because I am both.
To the people who are told they will never be enough, you are enough. I can see it through my eyes and I hope you can see it through yours now too.
Sincerely,
The Child of Both and Neither.
