In a world where everyone is expected to keep it together, checking in with yourself might be the most radical thing you do.
Grief never gives a warning. It arrives, like the swing of an axe, swift and sharp, leaving everything in pieces. I know this grief well, becoming intimately acquainted with it at the age of five when I lost my dad. My life changed forever that day in ways I couldn’t possibly comprehend.
At first, this grief consumed me. I did not have the tools or language to manage it, nor could I recognize it in those around me. So, I attended Camp Good Grief, where I developed coping mechanisms, like journaling, yoga, and meditation.
I also learned how grief is far more prevalent than it may seem. The Recovery Village states that at least 12.5 million people each year grieve in the US alone. 20-25% of the bereaved will experience some form of mental illness that develops in response to their loss.
I found an odd sort of comfort in the statistics. The despair, hopelessness, apathy, and nihilism I’d experienced were all common responses to loss, a natural stop along the healing path. Grief has its own rhythms, and the better versed we are in its bleak melodies, the better able we are to find our own feet.
The key was one of the first and simplest lessons taught at Camp Good Grief: the importance of checking in. With so many invisible battles waged on so many fronts in so many minds, it can be easy to overlook our own internal struggles as we lose ourselves in the hopes of saving others.
Checking in can slow down the mental cyclone, giving us space to breathe, grieve, assess, and move forward when we are ready. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, checking in with yourself by increasing activity, eating healthy meals, and getting more regular sleep, among other methods, leads to greater life satisfaction, more resilience, and improved mental health. In today’s society– where pressure to meet unrealistic standards is high–checking in has never been more important.
At the same time, it’s never been more difficult. Due to a wide variety of factors ranging from social media addiction to the relentless pursuit of curated perfection, it can feel difficult to just slow down, let alone stop and seriously reflect. For grieving children, it can feel impossible.
This ultimately led to my decision to found Lemons to Lemonade, an organization designed to provide a nurturing and safe environment for those experiencing loss to check in with themselves. And in the process of checking with others, whether through our Dear Angela service that allows students to speak anonymously with grief counselors or in the many direct phone calls that occupy my weekends, I’ve found that checking in on others is actually the best way I’ve found to heal myself.
Nevertheless, While I have made it my mission to help others transcend grief, I remain vigilant in checking in on myself, no matter how busy I am. Grief is like quicksand; often when we struggle against it we sink. If we offer a helping hand to ourselves and others, we rise and move forward together.
This is how I check-in.
Now I want to challenge you to pause and reflect: How do you check in with yourself?
You don’t need to launch a foundation or develop an elaborate ritual–it can be as simple as putting your phone down, sitting with your thoughts, and asking yourself something like “How am I feeling?” It doesn’t have to be perfect either–growth is messy in the best of times–the only real requirement is as much honesty as you can muster.
Loss is endemic. It might even be the only universal truth of life. But that doesn’t mean all is lost. Even in our darkest moments, we still have our eyes, our ears, our heart, and our mind. We can choose to connect, to reflect, to fight for healing with everything we have, all by just checking in.
So the next time you’re shouldering the weight of the world or just struggling to keep your head above the water, try checking in. Sometimes, presence alone is more than enough.
If you or anyone you know is struggling with grief or loss, there are plenty of resources to help you through:
We offer a safe, supportive space and community to help young people through the trials of grief. Our Dear Angela counseling service will anonymously connect you with a grief counselor.
Camp Good Grief – Hospice Giving Foundation
A healing camp experience for children and teens who have experienced the death of someone close to them.
Miracles for Kids
Provides financial and emotional support to families with critically ill children, including grief resources.
The Dougy Center
National center for grieving children and families, offering free programs and guidance.
Grief Anonymous
A peer-to-peer support network for those navigating personal loss.
NAMI – National Alliance on Mental Illness
Offers mental health support and information on grief-related challenges.
Crisis Text Line
Text HELLO to 741741 to connect with a trained crisis counselor, 24/7 and free of charge.
