“Are you ‘sure’ you don’t like him?”
By January of the fourth grade, my mother, the school principal, and five girls in my class had asked me this dreaded question. Each time they did, their giggles and grins were met with flushed cheeks and a firm ‘NO’, which only seemed to motivate their teasing. As a nine-year-old, these words not only hurt, but eventually became the fueling source of internal shame, humiliation, and confusion. Was my innocent friendship with a boy really something to laugh about?
In modern society, romance is everywhere. From movies to media, there is rarely a TV show that lacks a steamy kissing scene or amorous eye contact. Yet, these mature concepts seem to be working their way into the minds of children. Due to society’s depiction of opposite-gender relationships being restricted to romance, children remain bound by the principle of girl-guy love. Now, the playground is no longer a space of play, but a domain to be “shipped” with an elementary school sweetheart. In other words, platonic girl-guy relationships are not an option for these youngsters— and the lack of them is detrimental.
Opposite-gender friendships are a crucial part of a child’s development, allowing for learning opportunities throughout play and conversation. These interactions teach children to experiment with different interests, build collaboration skills, accept differences, and in the words of CNN writer Elisa Strauss, “…give kids a chance to explore themselves outside of constrictive gender scripts, and, ideally, question stereotypes,”.
The skills gained through early interactions with the opposite gender additionally benefit children in the long run, as upper-level schools and real-life workplaces often require the collaboration of men and women. However, the romanticization of platonic friendships replaces curiosity with uncertainty and anxiety, preventing children from exploring such opportunities in the first place. According to author and professor Christia Brown, “So, you have these groups developing these different skill sets, and because they’re not interacting with each other, they’re not developing [like] cross-skills.”, indicating that children who distance themselves from the opposite gender will likely suffer from the long-term impact in the real world.
To end the stigma between opposite-gender friendships, it is important to recognize its roots. Society has implemented this stigma through generations of cultural teachings. As such ideas are emboldened by books, television, and other types of mass media, it is undoubtedly difficult to tackle this issue. Yet, not all hope is lost. By encouraging girl-guy friendships through co-ed school activities and gender-inclusive media, our collective efforts can turn the haunting echoes of “…sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G…” on the playground a thing of the past.
